who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
