im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
