Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
