I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
