Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
