You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
