My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
