I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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