You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
