my soul wont recognize me after tonight
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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