remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
