I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
