did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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