fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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