I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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