Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
