I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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