I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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