are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
