Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Randomize
