worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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