i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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