Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
