You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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