i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's just like the Real World with babies
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
