So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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