Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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