I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
