How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
