I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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