Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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