My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
