; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
