Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
