i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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