woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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