i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Randomize
