apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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