Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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