Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You were trust falling into bushes
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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