She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
