Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
