it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
