Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
