yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
