Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
