the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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