Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
