I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
