just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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