:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
