how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it glows. i had to have it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
