Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
