Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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