Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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