oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
